I think it's absolutely hysterical how I will intentionally think throughout the day about what I can write on my blog. I'm not a blogger. I don't do this kind of thing. Funny. But seriously, I think about writing the funny things I see throughout the day, especially at the gym- gotta love the ladies who come wearing a full face of makeup. Or, I could write all about my daily adventures (like today) and how I set up my classroom, but who wants to read about that? Who is even reading this thing?

Ok...so maybe I will write about my classroom. Just for a second. I loved being back in my room today, setting it all up, unpacking once again, a ton of boxes. It was a great feeling to be setting up my room and not have to worry about this being my first year of teaching. Although, I did have my brief panics today, thinking about how I am going to responsible for 24 young minds, how I am going to be teaching social studies this year (which is my worst subject), and how I am not looking forward to the 6 o'clock alarms and the every night stress of picking out something to wear for the next day. You know the most exciting thing I am looking forward to? Getting back into my routine and of course, getting to see my favorite people at work every day!

Do you listen? Who made up the word listen and who freakin' decided how to spell it? Did they realize the silent t would give children spelling problems in school? Back to my question...you've got a bazillion things running through your mind and someone is trying to talk to you about something. It's pretty much impossible to listen to what they are saying, right? I'll just be honest, there have been times where I don't have tons of things going through my mind and I still can't concentrate on listening to the person who is talking to me because I'm such in deep thought about wanting dessert, needing to pee, or if you're my boyfriend, just wanting to grab his face and kiss him. Listening to someone can take a lot of effort, but it's a priceless gift that God has given us. Listening doesn't mean your quick to give advice, fix problems, or offer your unwanted suggestions. Listening means (to me) that you are focused on that person, concentrating on not just what they are saying, but how they are saying it. You can learn a lot about someone if you just listen. I feel like discernment plays a huge part in listening when someone is talking to you about a problem or situation. I'm usually one that is quick to give advice or quick to say something to make that person feel better, but that's not always the right thing to do. Sometimes people just need you to pay attention to them, hear them, and let them vent; they're not looking for your two cents. I was having a rough day the other day- letting all of my insignificant problems get to me and I guess I just needed to talk it out, have someone to sit with and just listen. Bless his soul, the love of my life, just sat there on the couch with me and listened to my pitiful self pour my heart out to him. I hope that I can be less quick to talk when someone just needs me to listen to them.

On to more of importing my cd's into my computer and sharing some sweet laughs with my roommate.

Monday

I always find it fascinating to people watch, especially at the gym. People sure do have random ways of working out. Today has been a day filled with many little things...now, I am currently looking up graduate schools and scholarships awaiting to watch the Bachelorette in a bit.

Today was kind of a lonely one, meaning I was pretty much around the apartment all day by myself, so I didn't have much of an opportunity to love on some people. Unless you count smiling to random people, including a man with a long pony tail that seriously needed to be cut. I dropped off a big box to Goodwill that had a few stylish things in it- someone will surely feel the love from a cute new top that will cost half if not less than half of what I originally paid for it. Why can't girls have a wardrobe like guys? You know, they can keep wearing the same thing over and over again and not get tired of it, but girls, we always have to have something new to wear. I think it's more for our image, to make us feel good. It works though doesn't it? Buying a new top, outfit, or dress- you put it on and feel like you own the town. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but that new top that you just had to have ends up going in the Goodwill pile months later. What was the purpose of even buying it?

So, I was thinking today as I was working out of the things I want. This thought stemmed from watching The Bucket List as I was on the elliptical. My thoughts first started out in thinking about the things that I wanted, then going to if I had a short time to live, what would I do in that time period. THEN, my thoughts ran to what Jesus says in Matthew- "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself," and the verse that talks about how we're only promised today. So, shouldn't we already be living life to the fullest every day? The answer to that question is an astounding yes, but the problem I have with that is figuring out what that means. Does my day today- spending hours online trying to consolidate my school loans, looking up classroom decorating ideas, and graduate school scholarships, going to the gym, and running a couple of errands represent a day that has been lived to the fullest? Oh, we can't forget putting together the new vacuum cleaner and vacuuming the new apartment. Anyways, I don't have the answer to that question and I don't want to think about it anymore. Something I want to do...build my own house. Not with my bare hands, but I want to design it and well, hammer a couple of nails in it to say that I built it. I'd like to eat ice cream every night with Ryan and not consider the calories that I would be putting into my body. I want to go back to Nicaragua. I want to get really good at making and designing cakes. I want to ENJOY every day and today, I did just that.

My start...

So, amongst all the randomness of my life, I have decided to try blogging. You always hear and read of these people who have the most profound things to say, even some that change your life just by what they feel or know that God is doing in their life. I admire those bloggers. So, here is my shot at profoundness. Shall we enter into my life? It's one that's entertaining, random, and quite complex, but only because I make it that way. Some would say I put too much pressure on myself, but I am currently in route of going with the flow, enjoying life day by day- and this balance comes from one who completes me. My life is in the midst of transition and I am someone who does not deal well with change. I like things the way I like them and I can be too stubborn to let things be different, but I am effortfully making a choice to surrender my will, my ways to my Savior. This does not come naturally, but what really does? Jesus Christ is THE most important thing in my life. I choose Him daily, and even that choice does not come naturally on some days, even though some would think it should. Choosing to serve the Lord is a discipline that is learned and requires maintaining for any spiritual formation to exist. I'm far from perfect, even though I am a preacher's kid!

In the midst of trying to make my life more complex than it already is...here is my thought for the night. How can someone love you so much that it leaves them completely vulnerable? How is it possible for someone to love you so much that it is merely impossible for them to point out your flaws (even though you could name a million) and for them to see you for everything you've always wanted to see yourself as? I am blessed. I know that I am blessed. I need to tell myself that I know that I am blessed. One of the most valuable aspects of our lives are our relationships. A glimpse of Christ's love for me is symbolized through the love I feel from the people that are in my life. I am reminded of the verse in Luke that says, "Nothing is impossible for God." I feel like God makes it possible for someone to love me so much because they are allowing Him to love through them. Tomorrow is a new day and my new thought is how I can show love to people around me, yes, even to those who are deemed as unlovable.